“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
— Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person
I spent a long time trying to improve my way out of self-criticism. More discipline, better habits, cleaner routines. What I noticed was that the self-criticism didn’t actually decrease as I got more productive. It just found new things to attach to.
What Rogers is pointing at took me an embarrassingly long time to understand. Acceptance isn’t resignation. It’s closer to finally putting something down so you have your hands free to actually do something. I started getting more done, and feeling better about it, about six months after I stopped treating myself like a problem to be solved.
Fighting yourself and changing yourself are not the same effort. One of them works.