I sat on my kitchen floor at 2 AM, replaying a conversation from three days ago. Did I say something wrong? Should I have worded that email differently? What if my friend was upset and just not telling me?
My brain would not stop. It kept circling. I had to go through the same chain of thoughts over and over until I felt some strange sense of satisfaction. Then it started again.
I was not always like this. A few years ago, I moved to a new city. New apartment. New job. I left behind my established friend group and everything familiar. That is when the overthinking started.
If you are reading this, you probably know that feeling. You want to know how to control your mind from overthinking. I get it. I have been there. Here is what helped me.
Quick Calming Actions for Today
- Name what is happening: “I am having an anxious thought.” Do not argue with it.
- Look around and name five things you can see right now.
- Put your hand on your chest and take three slow breaths.
- Write the thought down instead of looping it in your head.
- Set a timer for five minutes. When it rings, move your body.
Why Does My Mind Get Stuck in Overthinking Loops?
Overthinking feels productive. That is the trap. Your brain thinks it is solving a problem, so it keeps going.
But most of what you are chewing on is not a real problem. It is a “what if” situation. Your mind invents a problem, imagines a solution, then invents a new problem. On and on.
I used to think I was just a deep thinker. Then I realized I was not thinking deeply. I was spinning.
Overthinking is a feedback loop caused by taking every errant thought seriously. Your brain gets a little reward each time it completes a loop. It feels like progress. It is not.
The first step is noticing the difference between useful thinking and pointless circling. Useful thinking leads to a decision or an action. Overthinking just goes around and around.
How Do I Stop Overthinking Everything and Actually Calm Down?
You cannot stop thoughts from showing up. That is not how the mind works. But you can change how you respond to them.
Here is what worked for me.
Step 1: Notice without judgment.
When the spiral starts, say to yourself, “I am having an anxious thought.” That is it. You do not need to fix it. You do not need to answer it. Just notice it.
Step 2: Come back to your body.
Close your eyes. Notice where the air travels when you breathe in. Feel your feet on the floor. Notice which muscles are tight. Relax your shoulders.
Step 3: Let the thought pass.
Thoughts are not always true. Most of the time, they are completely false. You do not have to believe every thought that shows up.
I used to argue with my thoughts. That made it worse. Now I just watch them come and go. Some days it works better than others.
Step 4: Practice this daily.
This is not a one-time fix. It is a practice. Some days I catch the spiral early. Some days I am three hours in before I notice. Both are okay.
A Simple Five-Minute Grounding Practice
I made up this simple practice for myself. It takes almost no time and helps me break the cycle.
Here is how it works:
Minute 1: Pause.
Stop whatever you are doing. Put down your phone. Just pause.
Minute 2: Breathe.
Take slow breaths. Notice the air moving in and out. Notice your chest rising and falling.
Minute 3: Name five things.
Look around. Name five things you can see. A lamp. A coffee cup. A crack in the wall. Anything.
Minute 4: Feel your body.
Notice your feet on the ground. Your back against the chair. Your hands in your lap.
Minute 5: Choose one small action.
Get a glass of water. Step outside. Stretch your arms. Do one small thing.
Does this sound too simple? I thought so too. But simple works when your mind is spinning.
What If Overthinking Is Based on Impossible Scenarios?
Most of my overthinking is about things that will never happen. I imagine a conversation going badly. I imagine someone being upset with me. I imagine worst-case scenarios that have no basis in reality.
One thing that helps: ask yourself, “Is this a real problem or an imagined one?”
If it is real, you can take action. If it is imagined, you can let it go. Most of the time, it is imagined.
Another thing: limit your input. I stopped scrolling social media at night. I stopped reading old text messages. I stopped checking if someone replied to my message in the first five minutes. Those habits fed my overthinking.
How Long Does It Take to Get Better at This?
I wish I could give you a clear answer. I cannot.
Some days are easy. Some days I am back on the kitchen floor at 2 AM. But the spirals are shorter now. I catch them faster. I recover quicker.
Meditation helps some people. Ten to twenty minutes a day. Journaling helps others. Some people just sit with the discomfort and stop fighting it.
What works for you might be different. That is okay. The point is to practice. Every time you notice the spiral and choose not to feed it, you get a little stronger.
You are not broken. You just have an untrained mind. And minds can be trained.
FAQ
Q: How do I control my mind from overthinking at night?
A: Nighttime is hard because there are no distractions. Try writing down your thoughts before bed. Keep a notebook by your bed. If a thought shows up, write it down and tell yourself you will deal with it tomorrow.
Q: Is overthinking a sign of a bigger problem?
A: Not necessarily. Many people overthink when they are stressed or going through changes. If it is affecting your daily life, talking to someone you trust can help.
Q: How can I stop overthinking about things I cannot control?
A: Ask yourself: “Can I do anything about this right now?” If the answer is no, practice letting it go. This takes time. Be patient with yourself.
Q: Does meditation really help with overthinking?
A: Many people find it helps. Even five minutes a day can make a difference. The goal is not to empty your mind. The goal is to notice your thoughts without getting pulled in.
Q: What if I try these tools and still feel stuck?
A: That happens. Some spirals are deeper than a five-minute practice can reach. If overthinking is disrupting your sleep, your work, or your relationships, consider talking to a counselor. You do not have to figure it out alone.
One Last Thing
I still have nights when my brain will not quiet down. I still catch myself replaying conversations. But I am not on the kitchen floor as often now. And when I am, I know what to do.
You will get there too. One breath at a time.
References
- American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Managing stress and anxiety. Retrieved from apa.org.
- Harris, D. (2017). Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics. Ten Speed Press.
- Nguyen, J. (2022). Don’t Believe Everything You Think. Independently published.