During that period, I often felt anxiety for no reason and shortness of breath; at times, the chest pain was so severe that I would freeze on the roadside, unable to take another step. I was stifled at work and neglected at home; the pressure from being a woman and the habit of pleasing everyone came out at once. Finally, one workday, just before closing time, my supervisor announced, “I’d like to say a few words.” By the time I had listened through his speech and rushed outside, my shuttle bus home had already pulled away.
Feeling down and lost, I walked into the road to wait for the traffic light to change. Then the rain came down. I was soaked before I could even open my umbrella. I just stood there in the rain, crying. Why me?
A little kid poked his head out from a scooter and looked at me. “It’s raining!” he said. “My dad says it’s free car wash. Are you happy too?”
I actually stopped crying for a second. What surprised me was that, after I let it all out, the suffocating tightness in my chest began to ease. Standing there in the rain, I realized I’d been lying to myself for years.